#3
Between me and her
Never ask a man to choose between his wife and his mother. As a wife, try not to put him in a situation whereby he's forced to choose between you both. You'll only make a miserable man of him. And he might even hate you ever so slightly by putting him between the proverbial rock and a hard place.
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After getting married we had to stay at the family house for sometime, pending when we sorted ourselves out. It still being our honeymoon period and all my mother inlaw pampered us a bit by treating us to her special dishes. It was quite a treat too, I must say because she's a professional caterer with decades of experience to her nimble hands.
Unfortunately mum number two cooks with more oil than I'm used to. Twenty something years of eating mostly my mums cooking made it difficult for me to accept the sudden change. Even if my mind wanted to excuse it, it told on my body. In that short time my face, chest and back were infested with pimples. My T zone was so shiny it could almost deflect sunlight, thus contributing to the worldwide malady of global warming.
I made the sorry mistake of pointing it out to my husband one evening. I practically refused to eat the food because it was too oily. If that didn't already peeve him, I made a show of dabbing with a serviette the edges of the dish were the oil had oozed unto. Then I commented, "Your mum cooks with too much oil." And yapped on about it for the next five minutes.
He didn't say a thing. He was distant all through till the following day.
Later in the evening I don't know what I said that made him spark. All of a sudden he was in my face about me disparaging his mother!
For someone who is rational and logical he was quick to take offence. His eyes were wide open and his nostrils flared. He drummed on about how ignorant I was to make such a remark. Didn't I know his mum has been cooking many,many years before I was born. Blah..blah..blah..
It was a matter of fact that his mum cooked with more oil than my mum did. But he took it to mean a negatively implied statement on her overall culinary skills.
I stood there feeling small, and insignificant and on the brink of tears.
It was much later I realized the pain he was going through. You see, my hubby noticed the sudden pimple infestation and was bothered by it cause it was ruining my skin. He also knew I had a change of diet. He knew too what was causing it. But because he loved his mum he couldn't bring himself to accept the fact that she may have been responsible. Rather than admit it he lashed out on me for stating it. A real life instance of killing the messenger, if I had never seen one.
There are things I will accept and there are times accepting it depends on who is relaying the message. If the truth involves someone I love being put down and I didn't love the person doing the relaying as much as I did the person concerned, I would have a hard time accepting it. I'd even get mad too. It's only natural. But deep down when I'm more settled I'll reflect and something will tell me, if I know the truth, to accept it and find the best way forward.
Hubby later apologised in the best way he could. He had to when I turned monosyllabic, sulked and effectively ignored him the whole day. He took me to his mum and said, "Mum, we have to do something about the oil, its upsetting my wife's face."
As soon as he said those words the curve of his arm suddenly seemed the perfect place to be.
I have come to learn my hubby is the type that gets defensive when it comes to those he loves. He'll probably take down the next person that complains about my own cooking. Knowing that the lesson here is now I know how to better manage such situations in future.
03/07/2007
